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Somebody who's trying to dominate me. I don't want to be dominated. I don't know how to see men as offering something to me. Right now all I see is people who want to take from me. I cannot give to them. When I was a man I took sex from women. Being a lesbian taught me about giving. The men I meet in the bars don't want me to give them anything even though they say they do. They want to take it. This isn't getting me anywhere. I have to find some other way. It turns out everybody else is looking for the other way too. Outside the bars there are lots of singles events. The same thing but less intense. How did Ruth find out she was interested in me? I can't ask her that. Before I didn't care how. Now it's blocked off. Everybody has their blinders on in this world. They set up the limits and play the games inside them. I don't enjoy playing from this end. The gay world seemed so much looser once you were inside it. But it was a smaller world too. This can't be all there is. I think. “OK,” I said, making sure I smiled. “Let’s talk.”“I met someone and I really can’t keep doing what we’re doing,” she said.“I understand,” I said. “It’s been fun. When did you meet him?”“At the beginning of the semester, but I didn’t realize that he was interested. I discovered that on Monday and well, one thing led to another...”“I’m not going to make it difficult, Staci. We’re friends and lovers, and we can go back to just being friends. Or at least I can. I hope that you’re not going to completely break off our friendship. I enjoy the conversations.”“No, of course not. It’s just that I don’t want him to know about us.”“I don’t have a problem with that. I won’t say a word to anyone. Only one of my friends knows and she goes to University of Chicago.”Staci smiled, “Thanks for being so nice about it. I really enjoyed being with you, but we weren’t dating or anything. We were just having fun.”“Don’t worry about it,” I said, trying to sound as friendly as possible. “Let’s go have a beer..
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